It's fair to say that when going through IVF most of the focus seems to be on the woman - the drugs, egg collection, hormonal outrage and heavy bloating. But do we forget about the men? After all, it takes two to tango (wouldn't it be great if our babies could actually be made that way...) Being forced into a little room for a compulsory orgasm whilst a waiting room of people are sat just outside the door, all of whom know EXACTLY what you are doing, sounds like a nightmare to me. So what is it really like to give a sperm sample?
A brilliant and funny insight in to what occurs in THAT ROOM has been provided by Mans' IVF View, a humorous and enlightening blog coupled with an honest Instagram account (@mansivfview) that is sure to make you better appreciate what the male side are enduring (whilst also indulging in a little giggle).
One man's view of the IVF journey - check out the blog at Mans' IVF View (https://mansivfview.wordpress.com)
SO HOW WAS MY LUNCH TIME….
WENT IN TO A LITTLE AREA WHAT I’D LIKE TO CALL THE DRY HAND ROOM (MALE SPECIMEN ROOM)
FILL IN A FORM AND PATIENTLY WAIT – ANALYSE THE OTHER PEOPLE WAITING…
WONDER HOW LONG I SHOULD TAKE IN THE ROOM? DO I SPEND THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME IN THE ROOM AS THE LAST PERSON? SIT AND WONDER WAS HE TOO QUICK? CAN I LAST THAT LONG? OH GOD THIS IS A TOUGH ONE.
GOT THE CALL TO GO TO THE “QUIET ROOM” BUT WHAT IF I WANT TO GET ALL NOISY?
GRAB THE POT AND CONFIRM THAT IT’S ME ON THE LABEL AND THEN ENTER THE ROOM.
AH THE MOOD LIGHTENING, SOFT MUSIC PLAYING, COMFY BED WAITING FOR ME, RANGE OF READING MATERIAL….. GOD I HAVE GOT A GOOD IMAGINATION.
CLINICAL BED, BOX OF MAGAZINE.
SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNT FROM LUNCH TIME?
– THE EDITORIAL CONTENT OF HUSTLER IS FAR SUPERIOR TO READERS WIVES
– LATE 1990’S HAD A FASHION FOR THE PARTIAL TUFT
– ANNE 24 FROM NORTHAMPTON PROBABLY ISN’T 24 WHICH GOT ME THINKING WAS SHE ACTUALLY FROM NORTHAMPTON?
– SILVIA 38 FROM NEWCASTLE COULD DO WITH SOME BRACES TO STRAIGHTEN THESE TEETH A LITTLE
– THE HOT TOPIC IN HUSTLER WAS WHAT WAS THE MOST ROMANTIC THING YOUR MAN HAD DONE… I MEAN COME ON THAT ISN’T THE FIRST PLACE I’D LOOK FOR INSPIRATION.
LITTLE KNOCK ON THE DOOR TO ASK IF I’M ALRIGHT… TO BE ANSWERED WITH ALL GOOD HERE JULIE JUST GOT CARRIED AWAY READING THE LATEST PASSIONATE EPISODE OF MARY AND THE MAINTENANCE MAN AND WONDERING IF SHE WOULD OR WOULDN’T.
AH YES BACK TO THE MATTER IN HAND, SO TO SPEAK ….
FINISH WHAT I HAD STARTED, DAB THE SWEAT FROM THE FOREHEAD AND TIDY MYSELF UP A LITTLE.
OUT OF THE QUIET ROOM AND A LITTLE KNOCK ON THE HATCH TO SEE A BEARDED GUY SMILING BACK AT ME.
“DID YOU COLLECT ALL OF THE SAMPLE?”
“WHY YOU ASK GREG? DO I STILL HAVE A LITTLE ON MY MOUSTACHE?”
SO YEAH START TO FINISH 8 MINUTES INCLUDING THE BEFORE CLEAN AND THE AFTER HAND WASH.
NOW I THINK IT IS TIME FOR A FAG A QUICK DRINK AND A LITTLE SLEEP. EXHAUSTING ALL THIS IVF I CAN TELL YOU.
WORSE PART OF ALL OF IT WAS £2.70 FOR THE BLOODY PARKING!
Sperm sample room - Suggestions box
INSTAGRAM @ mansivfview
So they want suggestions... here are some:
1) Don't bring your grotty used magazines, they are a biohazard.
2) Educate people on personal hygiene.
3) A scented candle or two would be nice, far better smell to get you in the mood.
4) If you don't want to clean the room between each patient then at least leave me the spray, wipes and some gloves so I can do it myself.
5) Some music would be great, or at least move the waiting area away from the wall next to the sample room. #dontwanttohearit
6) A recovery room, where you can grab a beer and lay down or at least play some pool.
7) Please, please, please can I just have a little lubrication? #frictionburns
8) Please don't ask if I got all the sample in the pot!?! I mean like really, what do you expect the answer to be? Actually no I didn't and the room now resembles a scene from Ghostbusters and to be honest with you I'm very proud of it.